You find a combination for a door and you see other one behind of it. I was desperate in that day by I can’t apply on working permission in wishing states. I contemplated on existence of exit and eventually decided to do one thing. Anyway, I couldn’t be passive. I began searching. The nearest appointment time in American embassy of Georgia was in the end of October. Armenia was closer by the middle of August, but it was far long too. I wanted to end with working out as soon as possible, because I was suppressed by knowledge and no alternatives with other countries. There activated my survival and self-preservation mechanisms, which woke up my brain from relaxed stance. I had a sudden thought. It was in try to do with individual visiting of website of American department in Poland whereas I did that through the links before it (I entered on site of American Embassy in Paris, but they don’t give windows for booking on current moment.). I returned to computer and it brought me to seeing that the closest possible booking in a few days. It deprived me of desperation. Later I came to understanding on why is so long with Georgia and Armenia by recalling that their imperial neighbor on the north had losing of American mission.
But there requires an entrance key to one more door. I could do through Poland with which could be more lucky in getting visa, but I am not in searching of access on one year. I left it for spare plan and decided to send request to Greece to which representing center can get an appointment in the nearest days. The all other states were long in time.
I revealed, my variant is short, but hard due to a council usually rejects in this season. I haven’t attraction to casinos. I have strong rejections to these places. But I am a gambler when freedom is a bet. Nevertheless, I spent minutes in thinking. I activated mechanism by saying my agree. I wrote that I can’t be passive. Also, as showed these weeks, my soul, heart and guts screamed that I do wrong when I began other activity as starting reading a book even it is a fascinating. That I had with curious writing of George de Mohrenschildt. I had this by rely on that I can ease situation and await a moment. Circumstances demonstrated that I must control everywhere, because chaos comes.
Sadly, I need an individual visa for the United Kingdom, because I have for the last time a desire to be in London. I have reasons to visit it’s town and among of these why is a very beautiful one. I began to elaborate in this direction after launching with Greece. But suppressing feelings came to me in this intention. State looked dark. I crossed out this variant a little of hours later and optioned mind on initial. I returned to excellent in senses. My working out became grandiose. It seemed that I must accept a choice, which is better. I did it with sorrow. Hope, I will be forgiven for that.
I could book to Greek embassy instantly, but weeks required for complete with documents and bank operations included a creation of other plastic card. The first of March is a day of meeting. Then I will wait, probably, two weeks at maximum for getting truth when possible movement to Poland will in the third decade of that month. Otherwise, I willn’t do any delay in executions of spare variants with all next potential applying on Schengen visa. If I will have it, there will booking in American embassy which will between Warsaw and Krakow. I want to do in the second town, because I have causes to come to it. However, I will there anyway even that city willn’t a place of applying on visa. It’s my destination place.
The big book is an unpredictable project. How many times I thought that I completed with it? I had that disproof recently. I did addition to addition and one more separate addition in the big book. Actually, the last asked me for months. Since that I haven’t anything what made my mind unquiet at least. I can be unsure again, but I see the final text and nothing else.
I move straight to probable forging of freedom. After all, I can’t turn back. An abyss if take a look to there. Perhaps, I have no other direction. I wanted to reject inevitable whereas I situate in driver’s cab of train in which accelerator stuck on full throttle with no way to restore and breaks are busted. I stay in front of broken windows and look forward through storming snow into unknown. I can only unfold my arms and scream here or in other words – enjoy the view.